Monthly Archives: October 2013

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And so another All Hallow’s Eve ends. While we’re here, let’s not forget the real monsters in the world, and let’s not forget that they don’t go away after midnight:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And the mist starts to fall:

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

My maternal grandmother’s birthday was on Halloween, and there are times where I’d do anything to take her out to one last movie.

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

Things to do in Dallas when you don’t want to watch “Ender’s Game”

Two interludes, one slightly related to the Triffid Ranch, and one directly related to it. Much as with the classic Harlan Ellison short story “‘Repent, Harlequin!’, Said The Ticktockman,” first the middle, and then the beginning. The end will take care of itself.

Interlude the first. I had a lot of reasons to leave writing for science fiction publications in the early Aughts, and only a few were related to lousy pay. One of the big ones was the fannish constant of hearing criticism (valid or otherwise, it doesn’t matter) of a fan’s current if fickle loves, and responding with a whine of “Well, I liked it,” as if that whimper traveled from the Cat Piss Man’s mouth to God’s ear and automatically neutralized the validity of the criticism. Strangely, the worse the subject of the criticism, the louder and more strenuous the whining, and the keening cries to defend the undefendable started to sound more like a guinea pig suffering a rectal prolapse than a noise from anything human. If you don’t believe me, just join a group of longtime science fiction fans and idly comment “Boy, didn’t Firefly suck eggs?”

Criticism of Orson Scott Card, the author of the 1985 novel Ender’s Game, tends to reach guinea pig levels, particularly among people who hadn’t read it since it came out but remember that they loooooooved it…when they were 14. Point out that his stories are perfect bait for the self-proclaimed persecuted high school genius, and the shrieking starts. The best shrieking comes from Card himself, when he’s called on anything from bad storytelling to his highly publicized bouts of rabid homophobia and xenophobia, where somehow he’s being persecuted for his beliefs by getting anything less than fervent acclaim. Equally intolerable are his vowel movements about how his faith is the reason why he’s receiving such slings and arrows: to paraphrase what I told a local weekly newspaper critic who loudly proclaimed that he was hated by the Dallas music community because of his own religious affiliation, “we don’t hate you because of your religion. We hate you because you’re an asshole. Now go play in traffic.”

Interlude the second. If I can credit any one group and event for my current state of affairs with carnivorous plants, it’s the famed CAPE Day events that used to be hosted by Zeus Comics here in Dallas. Until a few years ago, these used to be gigantic events held under a monstrous tent during Free Comic Book Day, with lots of comics publishers and creators showing off their best work for gigantic throngs of readers and general comics enthusiasts. CAPE Day also made a point of being a LGBT-friendly fannish event, in a genre and a town where there’s still a long way to go. I started coming to CAPE Day to assist famed comics artist Lea Hernandez, after we both regularly mocked the obsession at other comics shows with the so-called “booth bunnies” used to sell mediocre or unreadable comics. The first trip in 2005, I merely showed up as her own booth babe (and let’s just say that I spared everyone there the Lovecraftian horror of wandering around behind Lea’s booth in a Speedo), but then I ran into people I knew from my old science fiction writing days who asked “So…what are you up to these days?” At the next one, and the one after that, I brought out plants in order to show off a bit, and by the 2007 CAPE, I had people asking about buying them. The next year, the Zeus crew actually asked “Would you like a booth to show off carnivores?” Not only did I take them up on it, but the positive response was incredible. Much as with the late and much-missed ExotiCon in New Orleans, if the Zeus crew needs vendors for upcoming events, I’m there, because I owe them, their customers, and the CAPE attendees a debt I cannot and will never be able to repay.

In a roundabout way, this leads to my taking a stand that may offend some regular customers, drive off others, and guarantee that still others will never buy plants from me. So be it. You have to take care of your friends, which is why I’m proud to announce the Texas Triffid Ranch sponsorship of November 1’s Skip Ender’s Game event, hosted by Geeks Out.

Skip Ender's Game event in Dallas

Now, the biggest reason why I sponsored this, with as much as could be managed but with nowhere near what I’d have liked, wasn’t just with the idea of putting one’s money where one’s mouth is by not contributing to the box office returns of the movie adaptation of Ender’s Game. It was that the Dallas Geeks Out crew was proactive, and decided that complaining about Ender’s Game wasn’t enough. Why not, they thought, organize a positive event that got everyone together for something different? To this end, the idea was to offer an alternative, with a screening of the 1997 Luc Besson film The Fifth Element. As a shameless Moebius Giraud fan, how could I not get involved?

And so the end tends to itself. November 1, at the Texas Theater in Oak Cliff. Considering how much I wished that something like Geeks Out existed for gay friends when I was first in science fiction fandom (and back then, they had to be very closeted, at least through high school), this, again, is a matter of standing up for your friends. (Those familiar with Joe Haldeman’s novel The Forever War might understand why I get a big grin when those friends jokingly refer to me by one of William Mandella’s nicknames.) And since the idea is not to be exclusive, everyone who wants to attend is more than welcome to show up. See you there.

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And what’s the difference between Halloween and the day after Thanksgiving? In Dallas, not much:

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

18 hours to go…

Meanwhile, back in reality:

Have a Great Halloween

It’s our job but we’re not mean

24 hours left…

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

Putting the Sarracenia to bed – 1

I’m not even going to think about suggesting that the drought may be over. I won’t even suggest that it may be easing. That said, our gullywasher storm on Saturday was followed by mist all Sunday and thick fog on Monday, the humidity is more evocative of New Orleans than Dallas, and we’re getting warnings that October 30 might end with severe thunderstorms. In other words, what we used to call “a typical Halloween season”. Compared to last year’s dust-dry autumn, nobody’s complaining.

Since this exceptional weather, in classic Texas fashion, usually precedes unnaturally cold or stormy weather, the last couple of weekends went into cleaning out and modifying the new greenhouse. That included putting in just short of two tons of rainwater as thermal mass, resealing gaps and potential weak spots in the greenhouse film, and putting down new flooring. Friends scream, not unreasonably, about how much they hate weed cloth in garden beds, but this stuff is wonderful for allowing excess condensation seep into the soil under the greenhouse while preventing popweed clover from taking over the whole place.

With the improved weather, it’s time to say goodnight to the Sarracenia. Although the pitcher plants still attract and capture insects, they won’t be doing so for long, as the insects are either dying off or going dormant for the winter. Because of this, the Sarracenia follow the lead, gradually dying back over the next month until they’re dormant about the time we start getting killing frosts in December. They’ll stay that way all winter, only coming out of dormancy around St. Patrick’s Day when it’s time to bloom. Until then, all I’ll have are pictures, but it was a good season for Sarracenia, and we can only hope for a better one next year.

Sarracenia

Sarracenia leucophylla

Sarracenia purpurea

Sarracenia

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Some treats by way of a distant cousin

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Cat Monday

Leiber

It’s our job but we’re not mean

A note for Dallas folks: watch this one, and then head out to the Texas Theater in Oak Cliff for the last screening of Birth of the Living Dead. NOW.

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Now for a double feature:

And from the same fellow, only involving lizards:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And because it’s the season, there aren’t enough midnight movies running these days. Should I mention that, thirty years ago this month, I was very seriously considering becoming a Roman Catholic priest?

Meanwhile, back in reality:

A tribute to Vincent Price

Most horror film enthusiasts have a special place in their hearts for the works of Vincent Price. Some of us, though, got an extra benefit when NBC ran a special on carnivorous plants and other deathtraps in the spring of 1977, hosted by Mr. Price. For me, this was my first exposure to any carnivores other than Venus flytraps, and I still owe this film for introducing me to Sarracenia pitcher plants. Today, the 20th anniversary of his death, it seems particularly appropriate to share this again. At atve vale.

Have a Great Weekend

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And now, what still qualifies as one of the best hard-science fiction horror presentations ever made:

Meanwhile, back in reality:

It’s our job but we’re not mean

One screening in 1972, on the long-dead CBS Late Movie, and everything changed forever. How many of you can say that your entire life traces back to a Ray Harryhausen film?

Meanwhile, back in reality:

Sarracenia by moonlight – 2

Sarracenia by moonlight

Sarracenia pitcher plants are wonders at any time of the year, even when they’re in winter dormancy. The absolute best time to appreciate them, though, is in autumn. When the summer heat breaks, Sarracenia make up for lost time by growing the largest and most distinctive pitchers of the year. All species produce brilliantly-colored autumn pitchers, all the better to attract insect prey, but Sarracenia leucophylla goes for both color and the brilliant white fenestrae on the pitcher throats and lids. On the right night, with the right full moon, and they’re positively blinding.

Sarracenia by moonlight

And while we’re looking at pitcher structures, here’s a great opportunity to dispel a very common misconception. A regular occurrence at plant shows involves kids who look at Sarracenia, and the kids’ fathers relating “And when a bug enters the pitcher, the top closes down and keeps it from escaping.” They’re usually very defensive when I demonstrate that the lids never close once the pitchers open, up to and including one who yelled back “Well, I know of one that does close! I’ll bet you don’t know about that one, do you?” (Amazingly enough, he ran off when I asked for a species name.) This says a lot about the number of parents who’d rather be right than correct, but it also says a lot about the perception that Sarracenia pitcher lids close. Without understanding of how the pitchers actually work, it’s a reasonable presumption.

As the following photos show, immature pitchers start their growth with the lid in place, and the growth occurs laterally when the pitcher prepares to open. Spread to the side, breaking the seal, and the pitcher is ready for business. This one wasn’t quite ready just yet, but given about three or four more days, and a concurrent doubling of height and depth, and it has at least another month’s worth of insect-catching before impending winter cold causes the main plant to go dormant. Come spring, the cycle begins anew.

Sarracenia by moonlight

Sarracenia by moonlight

Sarracenia by moonlight

Sarracenia by night

When it comes to moon gardens, anybody can make one out of Datura or Ipomoea moonflowers. One of the most interesting options, though, involves pitcher plants. Set up a bog garden or even a good container garden full of Sarracenia leucophylla, in a place that gets the light of the full moon in October, and you’ve got magic. Turn on a UV light at those times where the clouds block the moonlight, and you’ve got wonder. Now all you need is a crowd to appreciate it.

Sarracenia by night

Sarracenia by night

Sarracenia by night

It’s our job but we’re not mean

And now we flash forward to winter 1985, in northeast Wisconsin, with “Ned the Dead” on Chiller Theater. Go ahead: get all of the “man, they had some really messed-up drugs up there back then, didn’t they?” jokes out of your system. You weren’t thinking anything I wasn’t asking when I lived there.

Meanwhile, back in reality (for something to spice up your sense of wonder):

Webs at morning

Creek at morning

Not to belabor the point every October, but there’s a lot to be said about autumn weather in Texas. Compared to last year, this autumn has been mild, humid, and wet. Creeks are up, ponds are full, and even the local reservoirs contain something other than mud and fish bones. The creeks, in particular, look like old times. Fish, turtles, even a blue heron or two: there’s still a long way to go before we recoup the damage caused by the ongoing drought, but nobody’s explaining.

Spiderweb at creek

The best sign of autumn? The warm weather and rain means bugs. “Bugs” usually means “mosquitoes”. Lots of mosquitoes means “lots of spiders”, and lots of spiders means “orbweaver webs in the morning sunlight on he way to the Day Job.” It all works out.

It’s our job but we’re not mean

Since it’s time to remember the reason for the season, here’s a little frisson of horror that might be familiar to anyone living in New York City circa 1976.

(I never lived in New York proper, but back in the Seventies, about the only places that had cable were areas where standard television reception was impossible, such as the valley in which Saratoga Springs and Ballston Spa were sequestered. It’s hard to believe in this enlightened age of unlimited cable choices, but cable at that time consisted of three standard network channels, one PBS station, three independent stations from New York, one independent station from Boston, and one pay channel, HBO, if you wanted to pay extra. Back then, HBO started up at around 5:30 p.m. and cut off around midnight on weekdays, and all of the independent channels could be cut off at any time, on the order of the FCC, in order to encourage viewers to watch the news. For some reason, this always meant that any reruns of Star Trek or The Prisoner cut off no matter whatever the time of day, but you could be guaranteed that a rerun of The Dick Van Dyke Show or Hogan’s Heroes was playing somewhere. The best part of that arrangement was a LOT of horror films on both WPIX and WOR, and monster movies on Thanksgiving Day, so I watched a truly disturbing number of movies when I had the chance.)

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Cat Monday

Cadigan

Have a Great Weekend

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Cat Monday

Cadigan

Have a Great Weekend

The Aftermath: FenCon X – 3

FenCon Patrons

FenCon Patrons

FenCon Patrons

And that’s it until next year. Next year involves both All-Con 2014, running from March 13 to March 16, and Texas Frightmare Weekend the weekend of May 2. After that…well, let’s just say the announcement is imminent.

The Aftermath: FenCon X – 2

FenCon Patrons

FenCon Patrons

FenCon Patrons

To be continued…

The Aftermath: FenCon X – 1

Triffid Ranch booth at FenCon X

And five years later, it all comes around to where this whole game started, with a booth at FenCon in Addison, Texas. It’s a little scary to realize how much has changed in the world since those early days, but the sixth Triffid Ranch display at FenCon went off with only a few hitches, a bowline, and an heaving line bend. The days where the dealer’s room was half-full of self-published authors are as dead as the mihirungs, but the move toward more unique handcrafted items keeps expanding, to everyone’s mutual glee. At this point, the surprise isn’t that someone’s offering carnivorous plants in the back corner. The surprise would have been if the booth hadn’t been there.

Cybersaurus

On a personal level, this show was a milestone, the least of which being five years of Triffid Ranch operation. So many longtime cohorts from my early writing days came out that we all joked that this was a Dallas Fantasy Fair reunion, and it wasn’t far from reality. While the actual attendance numbers seemed off (having everything to do with a local media convention that oh-so-coincidentally scheduled its big event for the same weekend, forcing a lot of local fans to choose between the shows), those that came out did so during particularly pleasant and refreshing weather. If you can convince a herd of Texans to come to anything indoors on one of the first reasonably cool weekends of the year, you can do just about anything.

Dread Pirate Moai

To be continued…

Projects: “David Gerrold’s Vindication” (2013)

David Gerrold's Vindication (2013)Between the Day Job, Triffid Ranch shows, and general craziness, projects get delayed. Sometimes they get buried, and then it’s a matter of digging them up and getting them finished. Such was the case of the old Nineties-era console television conversion from last year, and it was looking for a theme. Cleaning it up, rigging it with lights, and making it as moisture-resistant as possible (hint: spar varnish is your friend when working with wood in high-humidity environments) was one thing, but this needed something other than the deathly dull pegboard backing with which it entered the world twenty years ago.  Even worse, with FenCon X coming up soon, it needed something with a science fictional theme that didn’t add too much weight, didn’t make it impossible to fill with plants, and didn’t require a Ph.D to install and maintain. It had to be reasonably nontoxic, if not necessarily for the plants, but as a proof of concept for an upcoming arrangement that needs to be friendly to both carnivorous plants and small reptiles. It had to do horrible things to a set of action figures given me by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer a few years back. Oh, and it had to make the Czarina look inside, shake her head, and ask “What the hell is WRONG with you?” Hence, we get David Gerrold’s Vindication.

Gerrold's Vindication backdrop

I’ve always held that it’s bad form to explain an inside joke: if you have to explain the joke to make it funny, or if the joke is so obscure that only a handful of people get any merriment from it, it’s not working. Let’s just say that the title of the piece refers to the famed science fiction writer David Gerrold, best noted for a lot of things in my childhood that permanently damaged my fragile little mind. Among many other considerations in his extensive television writing career, Mr. Gerrold can be credited with creating the concept of the “Away Teams” in Star Trek: The Next Generation. After all, if following the conceit that every adventure of the original Star Trek series had to feature the senior bridge crew and one expendable character beaming down into hostile alien environments, why, all sorts of horrible things could happen. Or should happen.

Gerrold's Vindication detail

Another challenge was utilizing the actual shape of the backing for the original television. Aside from a plastic indentation intended to allow the cathode tube to cool via air circulation, the whole thing was nothing but flat pegboard: a little air circulation via the back was desirable, but too much would drop the humidity in the cabinet below the optimum for Nepenthes pitcher plants. Hence, concealing the majority of the ventilation holes while still allowing some air to enter (and some heat to exit) was necessary. It’s amazing what four coats of spar varnish accomplishes in sealing the backing, and it’s equally amazing how many adhesives will stick to spar varnish that’s been sanded lightly to give it “tooth”. Put a custom-cut piece of glass in the front and hold it in place with pegs, and it’s both accessible and disturbing.

Gerrold's Vindication detail

Gerrold's Vindication detail

Gerrold's Vindication detail

Aside from the obvious figures, everything else inside was hand-sculpted, including the eggs (jewelry-grade epoxy putty), the alien constructs (insulating foam), and the bulkheads and chamber walls (converted catering containers). In addition, as a tribute to my best friend’s comments a quarter-century back, it needed a bit of graffiti as well:Gerrold's Vindication detail

Gerrold's Vindication detail

As an art project, the winner in the FenCon art auction was extremely happy with it. As a proof of concept, it gave me plenty of ideas on what to do with the next one. Most importantly, it taught me “make sure you have all the parts together when you start the next one, because you really don’t want to tear apart the garage again to find them next time.”

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Cat Monday

Cadigan

Have a Great Weekend